WEEK 8

December 25 - 31, 2006

Wow, my first Christmas apart from Kristine since 1993. Actually our first Christmas together was in San Diego in 1994. I’m not sure what to do with myself other than prepare for my fabulous meetings today. The four of us here will exchange a few gifts and munch on the stuff our company sent us. We’ll probably watch a movie or two in between the meetings and listen to Christmas music. It’s still snowing so it will kind of seem like Christmas.

What I forgot to mention in the Week 7 update was the parade of people here in Afghanistan on Saturday (December 23) night. We had a portion of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, some smokin’ hot girl out of Maxim magazine, and Al Franken. Included with them were a ton of support people and virtually every re-blooded American male here on Bagram crammed into the USO (obviously to see Al Franken). We saw whatever her name was Tweeden (the Maxim girl) after removing her makeup and donning a long leather coat; she was unremarkable. I could have passed her on the street and never given her a second glance. It’s amazing what tight clothes, a push-up bra, make up, and hair styling do for someone. Maybe it’s just the photographer making her look that good in the pictures. I didn’t even know who she was until someone showed me the picture, then I was disappointed. I’ll take natural beauty any time over the artificial kind. Ed and I popped into the USO to take advantage of the internet connection. Imagine our lack of enthusiasm to find it crowded.

I must say that I am a huge fan of anyone who comes to these dismal locations on the other side of the Earth for the benefit of soldiers. I may not have been a fan of the female Country singer we had here a couple of weeks ago, but I’m a fan now because she came here to put on a two hour show for soldiers. I cannot remember her name at this moment, but I will. I may not agree with Al Franken on everything, but coming here and lying on the USO floor because he was exhausted is OK with me. I’m sure folks like Alec Baldwin and Susan Sarandon would never make the USO tour. I just wish they had moved out of the USA like they said they would if Bush were elected.

The big inflatable and illuminated Grinch sitting on top of the engineers building was laying face down this morning. It’s apparent to me that he couldn’t stop Christmas from coming and did not want to partake of the Christmas spirit. I took a couple of pictures of him and will forward soon. I felt like I was one of the Whos in Whoville that overcame the scourge of Christmas and took in the grandeur regardless of location or condition. It was kind of neat and almost mystical. My kids will never believe I said that in a few years.

So much for the foot or so of snow we had on the ground. It got warm yesterday, like nearly 50 degrees and turned our snow into six inches of slush. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, our temperature dropped in the evening to a low 18 degrees. Our slush froze. I had planned to go on a run with Nelson this morning, but when I looked at my thermometer reading of 9 degrees and Nelson called to say it was too cold to run, I agreed.

Do you recall a couple of weeks ago when I mentioned ice crystals on the washing machines? I went to do my laundry this morning and attempted to start the washer. No water was coming out. I tried a different washer with the same result. I then started trying the hot and cold water knobs, but they were still wide open. The problem was the hoses; they were frozen solid. We have PVC pipes that the hoses are attached to that are strapped to the interior of the wall and the hot and cold water in those pipes were frozen. Obviously our Chigos (Chigo is the brand name of the heaters for the buildings) were not keeping up with the renewed lower temperatures.

We finally had a couple of days off this week. I didn’t know what to do with myself and still ended up at the shop to clean, organize, or whatever. I tried sleeping in, but that was futile. I managed to do some preparatory work for our trip to Iraq to work on the vehicles there. Yep, I also made some phone calls, listened to some Christmas music, and basically took it easy. Yippee!

Our first batch of armor showed up to wondrous acclaim. Finally, after a couple of days of near boredom, we can actually get back to work. The FedEx dude backed his little Hyundai truck right into our shop to off-load it. It was like opening Christmas gifts. It’s amazing how excited four grown men were about a 300-pound palletized package of armor panels. Although we knew exactly what was in the crate, we could not stop pulling the panels out until we grabbed the very last one and then looked at it with utter amazement. Wow. I guess you folks aren’t feeling the same vibe that we did. I suppose this is one of those “you had to be there moments”.

Did I happen to mention how slick it is outside? With all that snow, the melting, and then the sudden freeze, we have some very slippery areas. Ask me how I know. I was walking over to the PX yesterday with Craig Dobyns and happened on some very slick ice. We knew the ice was there. We could see the ice and because of this we attempted to walk as gingerly and flat-footed as possible. As it turned out, the molecular structure of the ice resisted the gripping abilities of my Vibram boot bottoms (and Craig’s as well) and I suddenly became a professional figure skater performing a double camel with a triple axel. It reminded me of a time a couple of years ago when Cole and I were crossing a log over a creek the size of the Mississippi River that was covered with KY Jelly infused with snail slime. Slick! Although I don’t think Dobyns’ rendition was as elegant as mine, I would have given him 9’s across the scoring board. Evidently our figure skating duet was a sight to behold as we garnered a standing ovation and accolades from the assorted passers-by. Damn, if a 40-year-old guy can perform that eloquently by accident, just think what I might be able to do if I was attempting that (as Cole would say) “for reals”.

You know when I first arrived here; there was decent toilet paper in the bathrooms. I’m not talking about feather pillow thick Charmin or anything like that, but decent multi-ply toilet paper. Well recently we have been subjected to single ply sand paper for our cleaning needs and I’ve got to tell you I do not like it. I came with a couple of rolls of velvety goodness and recently received a four-pack of three-ply heaven from a couple of phenomenal friends who understand these kinds of places. At first I was reluctant about hauling my roll of paper with me to the bathrooms. I don’t know, it just didn’t feel cool or something; maybe I was concerned at how I would look to others. In any event, I have overcome the concerns of others for the benefit of my own well-being. For those of you, who still wonder what it’s like to be in Afghanistan, start using cheap single-ply toilet paper for a while to get that ‘almost there feeling’.

I have received a couple of boxes and letters this week and thank those of you who sent them very much. I must also add that I no longer require any more granola / snack bars for the next month or three as I truly have been blessed with more than I need. Thankfully the expiration date on most of them is well into the summer of 2007. I really have no needs here, but my want list is now staggering. It goes something like this: Wife and kids, booze, reliable internet, booze, American TV, booze, Wife and kids, booze, decent food, and beer. Oh yeah, and throw in being able to go somewhere farther than five minutes away.

We also received quite a bit of stuff from the USO and from regular everyday Americans who send stuff to any soldier in support of the Global War on Terrorism (GWOT). I received a Christmas card from a VFW in West Virginia and Ed got one from a high school senior in Connecticut. We received some chocolates, nuts, and candies from other places around the states to include a lady from Washington that sent us some stuff from Chukar Cherries there in Prosser. Ed and I took the opportunity to send Thank You letters out to all of the folks that provided a return address on something they sent. It was the least we could do.

You may find this amazing, but Brian N’s brother came through with a request that we emailed him a couple of weeks ago. It went something like this: a bottle of Scotch, a bottle of vodka, two bottles of Jack Daniels, and two bottles of Jim Beam. Yesterday (New Year’s Eve of all days!), Brian received this beat up box from his brother that contained one liter of Glen Fiddich, one liter of vodka, two liters of Jack Daniels, and two liters of Jim Beam. Nelson’s brother put the liquid gold into colored plastic liter bottles used for hiking and such and listed them on the Customs form as water bottles. Genius! We set up the poker table and celebrated the coming of the New Year with a little Texas Hold ‘em and such. It was nice.

Have I told you it was slick? I’ve got another example for you and it happened last night. Once we finally called off the poker game around 0230, it was time to go back to our hooches and get a little sleep. I was talking and waving bye to the guys when J.B. (a guy, not the liquor) encountered some of that icy slickness. Fortunately for him, he had a little liquid courage pumping through his blood stream thereby preventing him from simply slipping and falling. J.B. begat gravity for nearly a full minute with death-defying antics without the assistance of cables, bars, and nets. His body hopped, slipped, twisted, bent, and contorted like Gumby escaping trouble in a circus act 100 feet above the tent floor. I swear to you his routine was a thing of beauty until his head came into contact with the ground. Then and only then, was the show over. J.B. popped right back up, slid a little ways to the left, and announced that he was OK. I’m sure glad he was wearing his fleece cap. There is no doubt in my mind that hat saved him from a potential painful lump.

Once again, it is time for me to close my sneak peek of the week and get back to putting another one together. I hope all-you-all enjoyed a sensible and fun-filled New Year’s Eve.

Cheers!

Craig