February 5 - 11, 2007
Welcome to all of you new readers that have been added to my exclusive and fabulous weekly distribution list. In case you are wondering what you have gotten yourself into, just relax and read. These are simply weekly accounts of what’s going on with me and my experiences here in amazing Afghanistan. Most of the information I provide is G rated, however there are those instances when it is PG. Don’t worry though, because I have checked your ages and know with certainty that all-you-all are over 21 years old, are considered ‘Age Appropriate’, and require no further parental permission. With that, here we go…
Let’s just jump right in to the weather. It has still been warm here this week with a few days at T-shirt weather. We did have three consecutive days of rain, not like Tacoma rain where it kind of drizzles lackadaisically, but nearly a Kentucky downpour. The ground here does not absorb the water very well and it accumulates rapidly. The concrete slab floor in our office area next to the shop sits two inches above the ground level and when the water starts to seep in between the floor and the walls, we know we have a fair amount of water. My only real concern with all this is the clothing that I currently have on hand. It has been Alaska cold up until about a week and a half ago and all of my clothing is geared to a mountainous cold climate. I would much rather have the temperature be 20 to 30 degrees colder and have three days of snow. New York could send us a couple of feet of snow and I would be happy. I know the second I box up my cold weather clothing and send it back to Kris, I’ll need it. I’ll just suffer through this month and see what happens.
After months of research, personal contacts, and exhaustive inquiry I have finally made a contact capable of providing us with beer here. For $25 a case, I can have Heineken or Warsteiner delivered in the can. There are some other brands available, but these are the two I am more interested in. I actually think the price is better than we can get for these back in the States. You could check on that for me, Doug, if you would like. In any case this stuff is the European variety with the much increased alcohol content and better taste. My local contact prefers to deliver in bunches, as in multiple cases. My problem is storage because I have to maintain a level of decorum around here. I suppose I could place a couple of cases on the floor of my hooch and just walk on top of them, but that somehow doesn’t seem quite right.
Dobbie and I got that first case and cycled it through my mighty refrigerator as fast as possible. We surmised that we could consume six a night (after work of course) and all would be well. Fortunately for us, we realized on our third that first night that three was enough. Our new stratagem was three a night and we polished off our case in four nights. Not bad. Our new problem is now one of delivery. Getting to the contact, placing the order, paying for it, and having it delivered is not as easy as it may sound. What’s worse is admitting to our contact that he was correct in trying to get us to purchase more than one at a time. Oh, the dilemmas we must trudge through.
Saturday nights are Chinese food nights here on Bagram. I have never been to China, but I have stayed in a Holiday Inn Express and know a thing or two about Chinese food. What our chefs produce here is something akin to garbage in both taste and smell. I gave the General Tso Chicken a try last Saturday and was hoping the chicken was not too overdone and the Tso sauce was better than Thursday’s refried beans that resembled and tasted like mud mixed with camel dung. To say I was disappointed is a very mild understatement. I was certain they misnamed the delicacies I was placing into my mouth; surely it should have been named Chairman Mao Chicken. With that, I spat out the remaining tidbits and swore under my breath that I would never visit Tiananmen Square. You would think as close as we are to China here (Afghanistan actually touches China) and with all the people here that look Chinese (they speak Russian) they could get this ethnic food variety right.
As you know, I have not been a fan of our weekly menu and it shows through my drop in pant sizes. I came to this paradise a full-fledged wearer of 34 waist jeans and pants. A couple of months ago, I asked Kris to send me some 32s and more recently, I asked her to send me some 31s. The 31s fit nicely and the 32s are OK. I think I am fast-tracking some 30s. To give you an idea of my current level of fitness, when Kris first met me 13 years ago back at the Armor Advance Course in Fort Knox, I wore 32s, weighed about 170 and was in the best shape of my life. I am currently eclipsing those measurements with the exception of weight. I am hovering around 175 and I think the only reason for that is my sporadic lifting.
Poker is just not the same here without Brian, J.B, Tim, and the rest of the guys from our Washington National Guard Military Intelligence unit that departed here on January 1st. They were just fabulous guys that initiated us to life on Bagram very well. Dobbie assembled a phenomenal group of potential money donators to play Saturday night including a couple of Marines. We should have had seven guys at the table which includes the two of us. As it turned out, we had three. We decided to play anyway which made it kind of unique. We played the required four hours and ended up pretty even. It certainly wasn’t a bad time, but playing with a total of three guys certainly allows you to quickly figure out how the other two guys play. Hopefully next week we can get to that magical seven.
I continually go by the carpet Hajji’s tent to check on the four carpets he is holding for me. I have finally amassed carpets and designs that I like and want, but the prices are not quite where I would like them. Bartering is essential in this country and although I am not a professional, I certainly have the patience to wait for a price I feel good about. The carpet dude on the last visit has told me he is giving me a special deal. I’m not sure how I qualified for the special pricing, but maybe it is due to my natural charm and rugged handsomeness. Maybe it’s because of the way I carry myself or my expertise in communicating via loud poorly spoken Pashto and skill with hand and arm signals. In any case I believe I am getting a decent price because I have previously purchased two carpets from him and I am getting a lower price than a first time buyer. I am convinced though that I am not getting the ‘Give this guy our absolutely best, rock bottom price’, best price and may have to wait a little longer. We’ll see who flinches first.
Dobbie professes to be an Okie. He claims this stature based on living a great many years in Oklahoma and enunciating in a drawl that convinces me he is indeed an Okie. In any case, he prefers country music that has a meaningful message, blue grass, and banjo music that is enlightening and inspiring. While I like his choice of tunes, I prefer classical rock-and-roll and some of the newer alternative music. Because of this difference in preferences, we have agreed to listen to the country station on one day and the rock station the next in the shop while working away. Armed Forces Network (AFN) transmits both stations and delivers the same professional advertising regardless of station daily. We get advertising for combat stress counseling, smoking cessation, and retention ads that promote Staying Army, Air Force, Marines, Navy, and Coast Guard. No, there is no advertising for Victoria’ Secret Valentine’s Lingerie line or a cold and refreshing Bud Light. Just feel good stuff combined with safety messages.
I have been getting quite the education from CD with regard to the type of country music. He informs me when a song comes on whether or not it is ‘girl music’ and or if it conveys a solid message or purpose. Furthermore we have discussed iambic pentameter, alliteration, rhyming, lyrics, and proper chords. I figure with another month of this class behind me, I may finally be able to write songs and music.
We have tried listening to the local music on a couple of occasions, but the wailing they do stings the ears and hurts the brain. I feel like Pavlov’s dog because every time I hear that stuff I want to run outside to throw up. It is just terrible stuff. I completely understand why we are not importing it to the U.S. The British music is hard enough to understand and accept and it is supposedly spoken (or sung) in the same language we speak. Regardless, I have taken the opportunity to place a block inside the radio case which prevents the frequency slider from being moved to the local music frequencies.
Back in Week 6 I goaded a few of you into sending me a little email. Some information as to your daily lives back there in the fine ole U.S. of A. I have CNN and AFN to keep me updated on the Cougars and President Bush, but what I really want to know is the local stuff that you guys live daily. I mean stuff like updating your personal defenses at home, talking to a foreigner, and winning $50 on a double-down. You know, meaty stuff. Those of you who email me regularly know who you are and how much I appreciate your efforts. I am asking the rest of you to step to the plate and send out a message every week or two to let me know that you are still living and breathing. The difference for me between now and then is the acquisition of internet in my room thereby necessitating much quicker and better thought-out responses. Give it a try; what do you have to lose?
I must confess to you that this is the second time I have written Week 14 and the reason it is late. As I see and experience things, I make notes and blurbs and began doing that on the Week 15 document earlier in the week. I made a tragic mistake in reviewing Week 14 and then saving Week 15 on top of it negating Week 14’s presence. Obviously, I apologize a great deal as I know receiving these manuscripts on-time is how many of you plan your weekly affairs. I have now implemented a fail-safe system to prevent this disaster from ever occurring again.
OK, we are now on page four and you know that means closing. After three and a half months in a foreign country, I finally feel like I have adapted to my surroundings and am making the best of the situation. Tune in next week when I describe water temperature and its effects on showering, espresso with gobs of cinnamon, and the not-to-be-missed and always-exciting, getting cash in Afghanistan!
Adios,
Craig
