There was no weather this week. We had none. What we did have was stifling hot and dry days. It was at least 101 degrees every day this week. We even got up to 112 on Friday. I thought Saturday’s 101 felt cool by comparison. I do know it’s only been a week since I saw a cloud, but at this temperature it feels like forever. Hopefully the cloud God will soon rain on Apollo’s parade.
The air conditioning in our rooms is not keeping pace with the increasing temperatures. The best (lowest) temperature I have been able to acquire in my room is 88 degrees. After consultation with other members of our hut (there are six of us in this one hut), we decided to file a maintenance work order. We’ll see how long that takes to get any action.
We had an Amber Alert on Tuesday right after lunch. Giant Voice announced that we were anticipating an incoming mortar attack and that everyone should don helmets and vest and assume cover. Additionally, all weapons systems should be manned. This announcement played over and over and over for about five minutes. During the initial announcements, A-6s, A-10s, AH-64s, and F-15Es were launched repetitively making the announcements much more difficult to hear. Ed and I happened to be in the vicinity of our hooches and determined we should go where our equipment is: the shop. We hopped in our vehicle and started to head out of Vance but the gate guards would not open the gate. They said no one was to enter or leave. We explained that our gear was on Ouellette and that was where we were headed. For once, we were now in the presence of someone with common sense; the gate was opened and we hurried down to the shop.
Once there, Ed and I discussed fields of fire, likely avenues of approach, and limits of advance. We tied our security zone into the SF guys’ zone and strategized areas of responsibility. We were ready to lay waste to enemy forces with our 9mm pistols. Giant Voice continued to blare across our island every couple of minutes essentially repeating the same messages. We were confused how an imminent mortar attack could be predicted and how it could last for an hour. Did someone see bad guys setting up a tube and aiming it at us? Was the mortar attack going to be followed by parachuting Taliban who were planning to ‘Red Dawn’ us? No one seemed to know. On top of that we never heard nor felt any earth-shattering explosions that would signal the release of a 500 pound bomb on an enemy mortar site. In the end, an hour and a half of our day was consumed with excitement and no attack occurred.
Ed accused me of impulse buying. What?! The King of buying stuff online at a moment’s notice without regard to comparison shopping accused me of impulse buying! Hello kettle, this is pot, you’re black! Contrary to the three of you out there with this belief, I do not impulse buy. It may seem that way at times, but I perform much analysis before making a purchase in excess of $10 with the single exception of beer. I’ll drop $25 on a half case of never-before-tried beer without even giving a second thought.
Ed buys books and has them shipped here with a fervor and zeal that would make the Curator of the Library of Congress envious and feel second-rate by comparison. He also maintains a phenomenal relationship with GHQ (the military pewter miniature model company) by buying every single model in multiple quantities that the company has ever and currently tries to produce. I never am at a loss for reading material. Ed is constantly handing me two or three books at a time and threatens the severance of our friendship if I don’t read them immediately. My comprehension of the books I read is later tested by this History Major to ensure I didn’t merely claim to have read the books. While my knowledge of World War II and ancient history is continually expanded, so too is Ed’s collection of books and models on a dizzying daily dalliance.
I have spent a great deal at REI this year, but unlike Ed, I search items that I like and comparison shop across other stores. Besides, I have only purchased three items at REI at full retail price, the rest I have purchased during sales or from their outlet store. I’m trying to remember what caused Ed’s accusation. Oh, it was the purchase of the Nintendo DS Lite hand-held game console. The kids have each been asking for one of these for quite a while and I have been performing the adult delaying tactic. We got a shipment of them in at the PX here this week and since they had a black one, I picked it up. The great thing about the PX is that it is managed through a joint civilian/military partnership. One would think this partnership could yield the finest items and service at the lowest prices. They shipped in oodles of the game consoles, but not one game. There for quite awhile they had tons of Xbox 360s in stock, but still not a single game for them. I really don’t understand the management of the AAFES system over here, but someone definitely has their head in the wrong place.
Amazon.com loves AAFES. Amazon.com knows that AAFES has poor management when it comes to stock on-hand and ordering. This is where Amazon.com thrives. I’m not sure how they know what AAFES has or does not have (unless they are somehow tied into AAFES’ distribution system), but Amazon seems to give me an email tickler of the exact item I need, at the exact instance I need it, at three different prices. Not only that, but Amazon can get it here in four days. There were two games that I researched for the DS Lite that are supposed to be not only fun, but highly rated as well. Amazon gave me three prices for the two games I wanted (one of them from a non-Amazon retailer) with no tax, free shipping, and at less cost than ordering it through AAFES (what’s going on here?). I know this may come as a surprise to all-you-all, but my loyalty to AAFES notwithstanding, I purchased the two games through Amazon.com. I’ll give you an update on how accurate the ratings and research actually are.
Remember months ago when I berated the local pizza establishment here known as Ciano’s that actually had one Italian working in their store? The pizza was terrible and the ability to keep popular ingredients in stock (like pepperoni of all things) sucked. I swore I would not buy another item from this place again and lived true to my vow. Well, Ciano’s folded and Pizza Hut opened this week in its place. Ed and I went down there to try a pizza on the second day of its grand opening. They offer three types of pizza in two sizes: medium and large. The three types of pizza are Margherita, Supreme, and Pepperoni Lover’s. Ed and I waited in line for ten minutes to order a $13 large Pepperoni Lover’s pizza. Our giddiness in awaiting the Pizza to arrive in our hands faded sometime after 20 minutes had elapsed. There were 11 employees (that we could see) moving and bumping into each other in the small area that surrounded the preparing, baking, and boxing area. It appeared to be complete chaos, similar to watching the Air Force personnel huddle around the base of a satellite dish wondering how to extract the snow from it other than just letting it melt. I’ve worked at Pizza Hut before and know that we rarely had more than four people working simultaneously. The locals do not understand swift and efficient service. They apparently do not understand organization and teamwork either. In any case, our pizza was presented to us at 37 minutes from the time of our order.
Now that we had our large Pepperoni Lover’s pizza, we were salivating in eager anticipation of biting into its luscious goodness. We raced back to my hooch and lifted the lid to stare at a pizza that definitely looked like a Pizza Hut Pepperoni Lover’s pizza, but the size seemed to be a little off. Large is not what I would call this. It appeared to be about twelve inches in diameter, thirteen if I exaggerate. That makes this pizza $1 an inch. It smelled pretty close to what I remember and seemed to taste pretty close as well. Remember, I haven’t had a Pizza Hut pizza in a small eternity and my senses could be a hair off. Overall, except for the price, I rated this pizza a 7 out of 10. This rating is completely independent of the service and time it took to acquire, and similar to the ratings we assign to women here, the longer we are here, the better things appear. So, in other words, this pizza may in reality only be topping out at 4 had I the opportunity to gnaw on it in my first month here. It’s like being trapped in a desert for a long period of time; muddy water looks good after you have been without for days.
Speaking of muddy water, we have not been making coffee regularly in the mornings. Actually, hardly at all would be more accurate. Since we currently have no continued pressing employment at the shop every day, we wander down there in the late afternoon now and spend a couple of hours cleaning, organizing, updating, packing, etc. Since it’s in the afternoon, neither one of us feels like consuming hot coffee so we blow off making any. Well, I brought my coffee maker to my room and began brewing some one early morning. Ed, with the nose of a bloodhound that can detect a particle of finely ground Starbuck’s Freedom Roast in the bottom of a dumpster a quarter of a mile away, asked me if I was making coffee. Uh, yeah (we are separated by a four inch thick wall that has a six inch gap between the top of the wall and the ceiling). Once confirmed, he showed up in my room holding out his coffee cup. Unfortunately, I was a minute into the brewing process and probably didn’t have enough to fill his cup. I told him I would let him know when it was ready. Ed later supped his coffee with reverence and mumbled something about heaven. I made several batches that day and put most of it in spent water bottles and threw them in my fridge. I am now enjoying iced coffee whenever I feel like it. For whatever reason, Ed has not joined in on my iced coffee craze. He seems to like the hot stuff in the morning and morning only. After 1030, count him out on coffee consumption.
This week’s picture is of my last Budweiser NA that I have yet to pitch at the Taliban. Maybe I’ll save it for the sake of bewilderment. Anyway, as you can clearly see, everything on this can is written in Arabic with the exception of “GENUINE” and “NA”. Since most Arabs do not drink alcohol, you would think Non-Alcoholic would be written in Arabic just as boldly as the initials NA are. Also, I guess Budweiser could care less if the Arabs understand that this beer is genuine so that stays in English. This Bud is perched atop The Gates of Fire book which is about the battle of Thermopylae. It is from the library of Ed and illustrates in much more detail the inner workings of the Spartans as displayed in the movie 300.
Next week I am hoping to WOW you with unbelievable visits to the jewelry Hajji that include grading gems and gauging silver and gold quality; another alert, but this time a Red Alert and the chaos that ensued after multiple Giant Voice announcements; and finally the exploits expended in brewing another batch of Afghanistan’s finest locally produced beverage. I’m not sure how you can wait until Week 32 debuts?! I know I can’t!
Ciao,
Craig
